The End of Innocence

Last November my wife’s twenty something year old niece Mary (not her real name) moved into our house. She was going through a transition and wanted to get out of an oppressive living arrangement. She communicated to us that she wanted to change her life, get a better job and then move on. I understood this to be a short term arrangement and decided lets do it, lets help her out.

Mary was living with her sister in a neighboring town. Her sister was pregnant out of wedlock and needed help during her pregnancy. Mary was then living in NYC with a guy she met off the Internet and moved back to New England to help her sister. Both were working for an online porn site. Mary was doing contract booking but her sister was far more involved in the entertainment side of the operation.

When Mary moved into our house she continued to work for the online porn site. She was not happy about the job but since she dropped out of high school this was the most consistent work she could find. My wife started giving her some job leads. But as her time continued with us it became obvious she was not interested in actually looking for other work. Or she did not understand what it took to actually go out and find another job. Mary’s income puts her below the poverty line. One big problem, she cannot afford a car. So her cousin gave her his car. It is not in great shape but it runs. After spending a whole winter cooped up in our house it was good to see her get out. But as I found out Mary did not have the where with all to understand how to go about dealing with insurance so my wife had to step in. It took her months to get this car on the road because she lacked the social skills to work through the problems.

Mary also was introduced to subsidized health care. My wife helped her apply to the State to receive this care. She needed health care for her online job. Mary told my wife that her health care she was receiving from the State offered her better coverage than the jobs she was applying for. Mary is only in her early twenties but she is extremely obese and has medical conditions that are a direct result of her obesity. Her choice of food is horrible; she consumes mostly process food with high levels of sugar and eats out at places with unbelievable fat and calorie content. She told my wife that she has so many health problems it doesn’t matter what she eats.

Mary is also dealing with emotional issues around men. Her father was very uninvolved in her up bringing and told her she would never amount to anything. He also compared her unfavorably with her sister. This has become a problem as she tries to find a man to replace the fatherly love she wanted as a child. And that is not the way to find love as an adult. One day when I came home the guy she left in NYC, whom she meet on the Internet was at the house. She just invited him to stay a week. She never told my wife. It turns out this guy does not have a job. He dropped out of college and has been unemployed for a few years. And his mother approved of that, saying he did not have to find work.

After about 7 months of her living in our house I made some conclusions. Mary does not have the drive or ambition to change her live. She sleeps until noon and sometimes 3 pm. She does not have the self-control to change her life style. I am subsidizing her housing and her health care. I work and pay lots of taxes. If she is going to live in my house she will have to start living with my rules. First thing no more guys sleeping over. My wife and I do not run a boarding house. She also has to start actively looking for a job. And she has to start making better food choices. I started the new order by telling her no guys sleeping here. And I explained you can not just invite guys into this house. Also your friend from NYC has no job and that means I was subsidizing his living while he was staying here. This did not sit with her but on we went. Then one day I was going through the refrigerator and found whip cream in a bottle and a bunch of ice cream. I told myself no wonder she is obese eating this crap. I threw out her whipped cream and ice cream. Next time I saw her I told her as long as she is living in my house she needs to get her eating in order. No more junk food in my house as long as she is living here. And starting this Saturday big changes, you are going to start actively searcingh for a job. I will help you with resume writing and job search. And we are going to start exercising. You need to exercise; you do nothing but sit around all day and sleep way to long. I will show you how to use all the equipment in the basement. You have a free gym right in the house take advantage of it. Remember you said you wanted to change your life that is why you moved in here.

The next day, after 7 months, she packed up her things and moved out. She is going to move back to NYC and live with the guy she was living with down there before. She wrote us a note, obviously unhappy with the rules. She had thought that when she moved in she was not going to get any lifestyle pressure from my wife and I. And I thought she was going to use this opportunity to change her lifestyle around.

I add this post to demonstrate that you need to take action for your life. You need to make every minute on this planet count. You are living in America consuming energy that cannot be replaced. Your actions directly effect the future generations of our planet. If you are not taking care of your health you are placing an undo burden on everyone that contributes to health care costs. Freedom does not mean do whatever you please. Freedom means do what is best for yourself and everyone on the planet.